Look closely: what do you want?

I want to be clear.
I have no idea what I want
When I am asked I pause
Every time.
Perhaps there is a part of me that knows
I am confident in so many aspects of my life!
But there is one area
Just one
Where I fall short every time
I let fear cripple me
Fear of loss
Fear of rejection
Fear of so many things
I do not think I am enough or perhaps I think I am too much?
I hide my heart begin placid smiles
And friendship
I am an idiot.
Inside my heart races
It aches
It yearns
I am an idiot
And I don’t know how to change
I feel everything so deeply
But what I exude must be a passing indifference
For you to not see
For you to never see behind my mask

I want to be clear
I don’t know what I want

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