Currently, I am sitting in the Charlotte airport–utterly drained of energy, but full of heart. This past week was a whirlwind of love and reunion. I still feel a bit like I’m spinning from the rush of it all. Where to begin?
Well, I suppose it would be best to start at the beginning of the adventure. About two weeks ago Allison and I spent a glorious day roaming around Boston. I spent a solid hour in Starbucks attempting to get a bit of homework done–Thank God for coffee shops which keep grad students from being hermits! We sat in Harvard Yard and read a bit for our separate classes and then walked over to Harvard Bookstore to apply for a job.
Side note: One of the most frustrating things about living in Boston thus far is that I have not yet found a job. I saved a good deal before moving, but those funds are quickly diminishing. It’s an added layer of stress that I feel should easy to alleviate, but finding a job is absurdly difficult in a city without connections!
Whilst perusing the shelves at the bookstore, we noticed that Elizabeth Gilbert was coming to speak about her new book that very Friday! If you are unaware of my love for Eat, Pray, Love that is not overly surprising. I don’t talk about it nearly as often as I talk about Harry Potter or any of my other favorite stories, but I read Eat, Pray, Love at a time in my life when its message of finding yourself in the darkest of times–truly seeking what helps you come alive–was in dire need. Don’t you love how a book tends to know when you need it most? We bought tickets to the event, and her new book and all seemed well in the world. That Friday we were totally unprepared for how motivating Gilbert was. My notebook is back in Boston so I do not have any actual quotes to say, but if you have a moment watch her Ted Talk here. Many of her points and the core inspiration for her new book came from this talk and I think it matters. During a time in my life where I generally feel like I’m struggling to keep afloat, her reminders that every moment in my life is an opportunity for creative growth and that it is so important to follow your curiosity mattered to me. (We also made a beautiful new friend that night. It felt as though the universe completely aligned to help both of our hearts feel better).
So I was on a bit of high when we boarded our plane Tuesday afternoon. Knowing that I was flying back to a place where I felt wholly loved and valued only heightened the feeling. One of my best friends was marrying a girl that I absolutely adored. I mean, what could dampen those emotions for me?
The entire week was a blast. From super chill bachelor parties, to long chats with old friends. It felt like the reunion that my heart had unknowingly been yearning for. I’ve been trying to find the best words to describe the entire affair all weekend and everything falls short. There was so much love in the room that I felt I could have burst with the sheer force of it all–and this is not an understatement. My friends are incredible people. Being around them for any amount of time simply never feels like enough. So I’ll give you a few of my favorite snapshots of the weekend and maybe you’ll get some idea of the emotions behind them?
And now I’m sitting in the airport in Charlotte with a grumpy stomach (SO much pizza, alcohol and general bad foods that were totally worth it), a bit heartsick for all that is left behind me, but also a smidge hopeful for all that lies ahead. Timehop reminded me today that a year ago I’d posted this poem by R.M. Drake with the following caption,
“But she did look back and I love her for that because it was so human. So she turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes. People aren’t supposed to look back. I’m certainly not going to do it anymore.” Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five I am predisposed to look back–to let my past color my future. It is a struggle every day, but I am determined to focus on the present. Let tomorrow come and let yesterday stay. It is impossible to move forward if I am always looking back.”
One year on and I find that despite my “determination” not very much has changed. In my defense, I was not expecting to make such a huge move which would naturally make anyone overly nostalgic. However, as I sit here awaiting my flight I am surprised to say that I am a solid mixture of happy and sad to return to Boston. A friend suggested to me that I focus on all that is good around me rather than missing all that I left behind. Perhaps his advice mattered more to me than my own? Perhaps because I have a few solid friends waiting for me in the north I find it a far less barren place. Perhaps I simply miss Carter so very much? All could be true. I am just happy to say that a part of me seems to be calling Boston home.
My computer died before I posted the above blog, and I’m actually rather glad about that because now that I am home I have a few additional thoughts. It actually feels like autumn in Boston now. That made coming home a million times better because who doesn’t love autumn? I navigated home successfully on my own which always makes me feel quite good about myself, and nothing really beats coming home to the sweetest dog in the world. I think I can safely say that my speculations were correct. Home is what you make it, and if I want to follow my dreams then I refuse to be miserable in the place that I live.
Finding a job, however, needs to happen ASAP.